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"I'm A Blue Toothbrush..."
April 1998

Rating: PG-13
Timescale: Anywhere in the third season.
Disclaimer: "Command protocol *is* Paramount!"

Okay, gang - this is the result of one of those happenings. I'd just re-read L.R. Bowens, "I Am Chakotay's Pillow" (which is one of my dog-eared, all-time favs) and then a little later, I was peeling veggies for the kid's lunch, when onto the radio came Max Bygraves' "You're A Pink Toothbrush...." Kaaazaaam! Had to have a go at this, didn't I? Many thanks to L.R. Bowen for giving me permission to steal her original "I am...." story idea.

NB: Just a note about the capitalisation used for the first letter of most objects - I did this because to our story-teller they're the names of his friends, and names have capital letters. :)
And just so you know, if/when I come back to this mortal coil, I'm coming back as Chakotay's Bath Towel ;)


I can hear him whistling in the other room. That means he's going to sing, eventually. Oh, happy day! It's been too long since he sang to us bathroom supplies. What will it be, I wonder? I hope it's, "We're Caught in a Trap, I Can't Walk Out, 'Cause I Love You Too Much, Baby." That's my absolute favourite. He always belts it out with such feeling, it sends a frisson of delight through my bristles. Oh, here he comes!

He's humming softly, but I don't recognise the tune yet. He's giving Shaving Foam the shake of her life and I wish she'd stop squealing. I can't hear him properly. Foam's bubbles have absolutely no decorum, you know. He's only smoothing them over his face, going slowly around his shapely mouth, but they're literally exploding with excitement. Tsk!

Just as I think I know the tune, Mirror-Over-The-Sink gets in on the act! Our Man has to gaze at her when he's using Razor, but she seems to think he's giving her the eye. Just listen to her...! Her brittle voice sets my follicles on edge. She's droning on and on about his dark, obsidian eyes being the windows to his soul, his cute 'little boy lost' dimples, and his full, sensual lips. I wish she'd pipe down so that I can hear him.

Oh Goody! He's louder now. Razor is accompanying him - carefully hissing in counterpoint over his whiskers as he strokes her sharp length down his face. At least Razor is sensible. She concentrates totally on the job in hand. None of that silly giggling and squealing for her. She'll be a complete wreck later mind you, but she's always very cool and calm in his beautifully manicured hand. Hmm... I do know this one... he's sung it a few times before. If memory serves, it was the very first song I heard him sing. It's quite nice actually, and I like to sing along....

##Like a River flows, surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be.
Take my hand, take my whole life, too.
For I can't help, falling in love with you.##

Awww, that was so lovely. Even Mirror-Over-The-Sink shut-up for that one.

He's still humming the tune as he rinses the left-over foam from his face. Ooops! He can't find Hand Towel with his eyes closed. We all freeze, waiting for him to start cursing. No, it's okay... there she goes, right into his hand with a soft, fluffy sigh. Cologne eagerly pushes himself forward, ready to serve, but no... he doesn't want cologne just yet. What now, then? Will it be Toothpaste and I, or Shower? It's Shower. He turns her dial so that the water can warm up a bit before he gets in. While he's waiting, he strips off his pj's, walks over to Laundry Basket and drops them in. Laundry Basket blushes deeply at his nakedness, shudders slightly and then sighs dreamily. I can hear her whispering to Bath Towel that his pj's are all warm and toasty. She's easily pleased, that one.

Shower is nicely steamed-up, so Our Man opens Cubicle and steps in. Just before he closes Cubical Door behind him, I spy a brand new Soap-On-A-Rope getting all lathered-up and bouncing around with excitement. I can't see Our Man anymore, but boy, can I hear him! He's obviously in a cracking mood this morning - judging by the repertoire he's wowing us with. It's loud, it's sassy and it rocks! We all join in with gusto, singing along to "Don't Be Cruel To A Heart That's True", "Hard-Headed Woman", "One Night With You", "Devil In Disguise" and Toothpaste's particular favourite, "Let Me Be Your Teddy-Bear." It's all I can do to stop her popping her tube!

Shower goes quiet all too soon and so does Our Man. Cubicle's door opens again releasing a billowing cloud of warm, fragrant steam and Our Man's hand reaches out, blindly feeling about for Bath Towel. With loud encouragment from Laundry Basket, Bath Towel makes the leap from Heated Towel Rail and lands on his hand, and he grabs her up and pulls her soft, pliant warmth into Cubicle. We can all hear Bath Towel's breathy gasps and moans as she gently frees him of excess water. The more vocal she becomes, the more Dental Floss, Hair Gel and Mouthwash speculate amongst themselves about what's going on in there.

Suddenly, after one particularly long keening cry, Bath Towel goes very quiet and I crane my neck to see Our Man step out of Cubicle with Bath Towel wrapped around his waist. Bath Towel isn't saying very much, but then she doesn't have to. She's no longer pure white - that's for sure! There's a definite pink blush suffusing her threads and the drape of her lascivious smirk says it all.

Mirror-Over-The-Sink looks really steamed. She's opaque with jealousy!

Our Man moves back over to Sink again and reaches for Toothpaste and me. Toothpaste squeals as he picks her up and wriggles her way further into his hand, but I just wait patiently to do my job. Okay, so he's a very handsome guy and as I've said, his singing sends shivers up and down my flexi-neck, but I'm not that way inclined. I'm a boy toothbrush and I'm only interested in girl toothbrushes. Oh sure, I've tried going steady with other things, but I never felt... you know... complete. Dental Floss and I had a passionate, but brief entanglement not long after I arrived from Replicator, but I just wasn't comfortable with it, so we broke it off quite quickly. She's very happy with Cologne and his broad shoulders, now. We're still friends though, and I'm just waiting to meet the girl toothbrush of my dreams. I know she's out there somewhere. She just has to be.

Here we go. He's squeezing a giggling Toothpaste onto my bristles and we're off! You'll have to excuse me if I sound muffled. I'll shout, so you can hear me. It's a huge responsibilty you know - looking after his smile. I really don't want to let him or my predecessors down, they've done such a fabulous job. Ooo! What's this...? Something's stuck in here... tough, fibrous... some sort of root vegetable. It tastes disgusting! I hope he doesn't eat that too often.

There we are, all finished and if I say so myself, a job well done. You could find Our Man in a dark room - no trouble.

Toothpaste and I are back home in Glass-Tumbler now and Our Man is rinsing with Mouthwash. Cologne leans forward again... this time...? Yes! You go Cologne, splash it all-over. Oh, listen! He's finally singing my favourite. He's singing it to Mirror-Over-The-Sink as he gently wipes her tears away, but he's singing it!

##We're caught in a trap, I can't walk out
Because I love you too much baby.
Why can't you see, what you're doing to me
When you don't believe a word I'm saying.
Don't you know I love you....##

Boy, that was great! And Mirror-Over-The-Sink is twinkling with love and happiness, now. All is forgiven. What a beautiful serenade that was.

There he goes, off to the other room to dry his hair and put on that red and black outfit he likes wearing. I'm afraid I didn't really get a good look at the other room after I was replicated. Bathrobe has been out there lots of times, though. He says that it's very comfortable. There's a very firm, but friendly bed, some high-brow bookshelves, a chatty couch, a know-it-all computer on a bossy desk, a gossipy coffee-table, lots of brightly coloured sand-paintings who love to tell stories about a place called, 'New Earth', some wise wood-carvings and a very nosey closet.

Bathroom Door gives the all-clear and everyone is yelling at once - shrieking at Bath Towel to tell them exactly what happened in Cubicle. I'd like to listen, but I can see that Razor needs comforting. She always goes to pieces when he leaves us. The full horror of her responsibilty catches up with her and she just falls apart, poor thing.

Suddenly, Over-Head Light disappears and everyone pauses - listening. The distant swish of Main Door means that he's gone. I don't know where he goes, but he'll be gone for hours.


Oh, excuse me, I must have dozed off. What was that noise....? It sounded like laughter in the other room? It wasn't his though. No, it was much lighter than his. He must have company this evening. I wonder if it's the beautiful lady with auburn hair again - the one who rushed in here months ago and made a sudden grab for Hand Towel? Yes, I remember, now. After running Hand Towel under Cold-Tap, she dabbed at what looked like a wine stain on her black and red clothes - yes, that's right - red and black clothes exactly like the ones Our Man wears, but much softer and curvier. After wiping away the stain, she quickly put Hand Towel into Laundry Basket and took one of her sisters down from Linen Shelf to replace her. That was very considerate of her, don't you think? But then, she did something very strange. She glared at Mirror-Over_The-Sink and said, "What the Hell do you think you're doing?! You're acting like some nervous, love-sick Ensign. Get a grip on yourself and remember who you are - that's an order!"

Well, Mirror-Over-The-Sink was stunned. The poor thing kept asking, "What did I do?! What did I do?!"

The beautiful lady just glared at her and said, "You can't love him, you can't! It's against all the rules!" Then, suddenly, her face crumpled and she began to cry. Her hands came up to cover her face and she shook her head from side to side. The little Bath Pearls on the next shelf down began to cry with her and for her, and that started Dental Floss off. Before long, we were all crying or trying very hard not to. After a while, the lady seemed to pull herself together. She kept muttering, "Command protocol is paramount. Command protocol must be preserved." She splashed lots of cold water on her face, dried it off, and left. We haven't seen her since.

Bathroom Door says that he's going to open and we all freeze. Will it be her? Yes! It's the beautiful lady with auburn hair. But wait, she isn't wearing the same red and black clothes she wore last time. These are very similar, but the jacket is longer and less fitted, with fancy gold braid running around the collar, down the front and all -around the hem. Very formal, but very nice. It really suits her.

Uh-oh! Mirror-Over-The-Sink is quaking and muttering something about death-glares working two ways, and that she'll love whoever she wants to love - rules be damned! I try to calm her down and tell her that it'll be alright, but she's not listening to me. Oh, my giddy aunt... the beautiful lady is taking her clothes off. Whoa!

I do the decent thing and look away. Cologne is snickering to himself, so I guess that makes Bathrobe and I the only gentlemen in the room. Mind you, Bathrobe can't really see anything anyway. He's facing the wrong way - hanging on a hook in the corner.

After a little while, Dental Floss whispers that I can look. Oh, my! The bautiful lady is now wearing a stunning night-gown. It's pale apricot satin with fine, ivory lace around the bodice and very thin shoulder-straps. I've never seen anything so delicate... it compliments her creamy skin and auburn hair so well, and she looks absolutely gorgeous. She's coming towards me, tugging at something in her hair as she walks. She glances at Mirror-Over-The-Sink and we all wait nervously for the row to begin again. It doesn't. Phew!

The lady bends down and picks up a very pretty Wash Bag that none of us have ever seen before. The Wash Bag cheekily calls hello to everyone and says that she's very glad to be here. Before I can ask her where she came from, the lady opens her and takes out a very grand, silver-backed brush. We all call out a greeting to him and he nods imperiously. He's obviously an antique, I can tell by his bearing. The lady starts to run Silver-Backed Brush through her hair. It's a wonderful sight to see because the more she brushes, the more her hair gleams in Over-Head Light's rays.

Bathroom Door shouts that Our Man is on his way. There's a knocking sound and a familiar voice asks if he can come in. The lady calls out, "Uh-huh" and Bathroom Door swishes open to admit Our Man - in the same sort of formal, red and black with gold-braid uniform. He takes one look at the lady and stops dead in his tracks with his mouth hanging open. The lady looks over at him and laughs, "Be careful, we could fly through a nebula and you'll get stuck like that." Her laugh is wonderful - throaty, warm and infectious - and I find myself wanting to hear more of it.

Our Man is still looking a bit stunned, but he manages, "You could have warned me. I was half-expecting the air-tight Vulcan pyjamma set... the one you wore on New Earth." He comes to stand behind her and she continues to brush her hair as he slips his arms around her waist, but she has to stop when he begins to slowly nuzzle her neck and tell her how beautiful she is. She chuckles and asks, "Can't you wait just five more minutes?" He shakes his head, but keeps on kissing her neck. "Time's up, Kathryn."

Hmmm. I guess that must be her name. I like it. It's very pretty and it suits her to perfection.

Our Man takes Silver-Backed Brush away from her and lays him down on Glass Shelf, right next to me. Turning Kathryn around in his arms, he takes her face in his hands and places whisper-soft kisses over her jawline and around her mouth as he murmurs, "I love you so much. You have no idea."

Kathryn's eyes are closed, but her smile is like a sunrise as she whispers, "Why don't you show me."

For a few seconds the only sounds I hear are Laundry-Basket, Bath-Towel and Mirror-Over-The-Sink weeping. They pipe down just in time for me to hear Kathryn breathlessly moan, "Chakotay..." as his mouth hungrily claims hers. Oh, that's so romantic! I hope I'll have the chance to love someone, one day.

Wait a minute... is that Our Man's name? 'Chakotay.' I say it a few times to get used to it. Yes, I like the sound of that. Chakotay and Kathryn. Kathryn and Chakotay. Definitely has a certain ring to it.

Oh, filaments! Their kiss is becoming extremely passionate. I feel very awkward - especially as looking away isn't helping. I can still hear their heavy breathing, sighs and moans - along with the unmistakable 'rustle' of hands caressing satin and lace. I'll try concentrating on the intricate pattern on Silver-Backed Brush.... Nope, that isn't helping either. Kathryn's moans are becoming more and more breathless. I'll just risk a peep.... Oh, my goodness! Chakotay's kissing his way down her throat to the swell of her breasts, pushing the straps of her nightgown aside as he goes. Kathryn's holding onto him for dear life and trying very hard to say something.

"Chakotay... we're not making love on a cold, hard bathroom floor...."

He laughs and slowly kisses his way back up to her mouth. "Of course not. Maybe tomorrow morning though... on our way to or from the shower. I'll go and pour the wine. Don't be too long. If you're not out of here in sixty seconds, I'll be back."

He kisses her quickly and turns to leave, then changes his mind and turns back to kiss her again ; a long, slow kiss that leaves them both a little breathless. When they part they're both smiling, and her eyes follow him as he leaves. She laughs that wonderful thoaty laugh again as she turns to gaze at Mirror-Over-The-Sink and says, "Thank God you were never any good at taking orders".

Mirror-Over-The-Sink looks perplexed, but stays silent.

At the sound of Chakotay's voice calling, "Thirty seconds and counting" Kathryn picks up Wash-Bag and quickly empties her contents out onto our Shelf. I can hardly believe my eyes! There, between a cut-glass perfume bottle and a gold barrette is the most adorable, little pink toothbrush! She's tiny, but beautifully formed and it's obvious she has tremendous strength and resilience in her elegant handle. I'm struck dumb at the sight of her! Suddenly, Kathryn whisks her up off Shelf and drops her into Glass Tumbler - right next to Toothpaste... and me. She's here! She's right by my side, touching me... reaching out to me for reassurance. I can't help staring at her. I must look like an idiot, but she's so beautiful... breath-taking. She smiles up at me shyly and whispers, "Hello. Where am I? How did I get here?" I can actually feel myself falling head over handle in love as I smile down at her. "You're right where you belong, my love... right where you were meant to be." Her answering smile is radiant.

Eventually, I remember my manners and look up at Kathryn to thank her for bringing us together, but she's gone. There's only the fresh, delicate fragrance of jasmine in the air and the sound of laughter from the other room.


The End

*You're a Pink Toothbrush......*

My mummy bought a toothbrush,
It was a lovely pink,
And when it looked across at dad's,
I'm sure I saw it wink.

That night I had a funny dream
While fast asleep in bed,
Two toothbrushes were holding hands,
And this is what they said.


You're a pink toothbrush,
I'm a blue toothbrush,
Have we met somewhere before?
You're a pink toothbrush,
And I think toothbrush
That we met by the bathroom door,

Glad to meet toothbrush,
Such a sweet toothbrush.
How you thrill me thru' and thru'.
Don't be hard toothbrush,
On a soft toothbrush,
'Cos I can't help loving you.

Ev'ry time I hear you whistle,
(whistle), It makes my nylon bristle,
(whistle....wolf whistle).

You're a pink toothbrush,
I'm a blue toothbrush.
Won't you marry me in haste?
I'll be true, toothbrush.
Just to you toothbrush,
When we both use the same toothpaste.