"Access Denied"
by GillyH
July 1999
Rating: PG13 for mild language
Setting Post 'Fair Haven'
Disclaimer: Paramount own them. Isn't it obvious?

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"Top o' the morning, Katie girl! And what a fine morning it is. Shall we go for a walk, today?"

Captain Janeway stood staring at her holographic lover, her mouth hanging open in shock. In fact she stood there so long, the holo-deck doors tried to close several times before finally clanging shut, pitching her forward to fall at the hologram's feet. Gazing up at him, she managed to gurgle an outraged, "Michael? What the hell happened to you?!"

Michael looked puzzled as he helped her up. "What's happened to me... how do you mean, darlin?"

"That's your voice, but you just don't look like you.... You're beautiful and your hair is red! Dark red curls," she gulped, "And your eyes are emerald green."

"Oh, but isn't that the mark of the Irish?" he sighed breathily, placing one hand on his hip and simpering at her.

"Yes, yes it is," Janeway tried to smile back, but her mouth didn't seem to want to cooperate. "But, you have a ridiculously tiny waist and you have breasts, Michael... enormous breasts. I come here to get away from things like that."

Michael gazed down at himself, unconcerned. "Aye, they arrived when I was sixteen. I was very shy about them at first, but I've grown used to them over the years." He leaned forward to kiss her, but when she took a step back he cupped her face instead. "What's wrong Katie O'Clare? My breasts have never bothered you before and you've always loved my curls and my green cats eyes. Didn't you say so only yesterday?"

Janeway blanched and pulled away completely.

"Computer, freeze program!"

What the hell was going on here? If this was someone's sick idea of a joke, they were space dust!

"Computer, who was the last person to access this character's parameter files?"

"Captain Kathryn Janeway."

"When?"

"20:00 hours Stardate 567891"

That was correct. She'd altered Michael's personality ; made him more intelligent and more complex. Taller, too. But she certainly didn't remember ordering long red curls, green eyes, a tiny waist and humungous breasts!

"Computer, examine the character's matrix and extrapolate possible causes for it's current appearance."

"Please wait."

Janeway waited.

After what seemed like forever, but was in reality only a few seconds, the computer responded.

"Possible causes for current appearance found. High levels of neutron radiation have corrupted three main character files, causing them to degrade and over-write one another."

"Which character files, exactly?"

"Maeve O'Brady, the town flirt,
Michael Sullivan, bar-keep,
Francis Sullivan, bar-keep's wife."

Janeway groaned and sucked air through gritted teeth. She remembered Francis Sullivan alright - Michael's loving wife and the mother of his children. She also remembered deleting her in an immediate Decree absolute. She didn't remember meeting anyone by the name of Maeve O'Brady, though.

Okay, no problem. Now she knew what had happened, she could fix it - she could get her Michael back.

"Computer, access this character's matrix and delete____"

"Captain Kathryn Janeway is forbidden to access or amend this character's matrix," the computer interrupted. "Access denied."

"Shit!"

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The End :)