Disclaimer: Paramount & the Viaborg own the Characters. I'm not making any money out of this, just having some fun and offering them free advertising for Star Trek: Voyager.
Just a piece of conversational candy floss, dedicated to my very own Chakotay. Over the years, he's gradually discovered the secrets of a happy marriage; eg. Rule #3. When your wife asks you, 'that question' keep her distracted and lie as if your life depends on it, because it probably does. Plot? What Plot?
Timescale: A few months after they've
reached the Alpha Quad - after a ten year journey.
Setting: Evening on Voyager - the happy couple's bedroom.
As we tune-in, Chakotay is lounging in bed, surrounded by PADDS. Kathryn is standing in front of her closet, gazing critically at herself in a full-length mirror. NB: Words between ** ** denote thought.
"Do my hips look big in this dress?"
"Sorry, did you say something?"
"Do you think my hips look big in this dress?"
"Not at all."
"You're not even looking."
"Will you put down that PADD and look at me."
"Just a sec, Kath.... I've almost got my head around this new energy
whatsit B'Elanna needs."
"Oh, I see. That's really important right now, right this minute is it? Don't mind me, I've got at least fifteen minutes to decide what to wear and get to Starfleet headquarters for dinner with Admiral Nechayev."
"Okay, sweetheart. Have a nice time"
"I was being sarcastic. Will you look at me?!"
"I'm looking, I'm looking... what am I looking at, again?"
"Grrrggghh! My hips!"
"Do that again."
"Growl like a cougar."
"Go to Hell."
"Before you go, does it or doesn't it?"
"Does it what?"
"Does it make my hips look big!"
"No, not at all. It skims your hips beautifully."
"Finally! Thank you."
"It's a bit tight across the bodice though."
"Where? At the sides or the front?"
"Chakotay, if you don't put that PADD down, I'm coming over
there to stick it in your ear! Do you really think the bodice is too
tight? It looks fine to me?"
"Not tight, just sort of very generously filled. Maybe it's the colour, love. Red does tend to make you look, um... voluptuous. Why don't you wear the green one - the one you wore to Tom and B'Elanna's anniversary party?"
"Do you think the green one's suitable for dinner with an Admiral?"
"I just told you, it's Alynna Nechayev."
"The battle-axe who always looks like she's just chewed-out
a lemon for being yellow? No, maybe not the green, then. The neckline plunges down to there... but you can put it on just for me, if you like? Come here...."
"Will you behave?! It's because of you and your wandering hands that I'm running so late."
"I knew it would be my fault. I didn't hear you complaining, though. In fact, when I was kissing your neck like this.... I distinctly remember you telling me 'not' to stop."
"Well, I'm telling you to stop now, so stop it. I can't think straight when you do that. Look, the clock is ticking and I need sensible suggestions."
"How about the blue one?"
"Which... I have four blue ones?"
"The one that brings out the deep blue of your eyes."
"According to you, they all bring out the deep blue of my eyes."
"That lovely short one... the one that shows off your gorgeous legs. I love seeing you in that one."
"Hmmm, maybe you're right. I'll have to replicate strappy shoes to match, but what the hell - I'm worth it. Go back to bed, Chakotay. You're in the way standing there and I've got to hustle."
"Can you replicate me some coffee while you're out there?"
"I'm never going to get out of here. Shoes! Shoes and coffee. I'll be right back."
**That was a close one, Chakotay. Maybe you should just cut the spiel and tell her
**Tell her that she's carrying a little extra weight on her hips? Not in a million years, Commander!**